would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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