Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
