Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
