i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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