So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
