Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
