Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
