I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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