there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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