The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
