and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
