You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
