i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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