I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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