At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
