I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
