I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize