Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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