Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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