it hurts more in the daytime
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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