I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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