My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
