I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
