someone get that fucking seahorse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
