She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
