And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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