I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
