Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
