I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
