Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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