Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
even my farts smell like vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
