Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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