"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
