Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
