Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
