planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
