I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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