Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
