Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
