I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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