So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
