Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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