Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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