I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
