I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
