If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
