I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
