When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
