Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just crazy horny about you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
