so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
