i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
