i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
