mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
40s are totally the cure
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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