He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
