dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
