don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
