I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do herpes really smell.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
