Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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