I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wanna passion pit in your ass
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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