i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
