I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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