It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
