There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
