So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
