I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
