is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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