In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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