So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my poor anus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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